


Missed Chances[PewdiepiexJacksepticeye]

by LyricallyWritten



Category: PewDiePie (YouTube RPF), jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst, BoyxBoy, M/M, Sad, Soul-Crushing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 07:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8153341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricallyWritten/pseuds/LyricallyWritten
Summary: Felix is in shambles after him and Marzia break up. Jack comes to pay him a visit.





	

I picked up a coffee mug and flung it across the kitchen. 

I listened intently as the glass mug shattered to pieces, just like my heart and sanity.

Who would of known that I'd take it like this?

It was bound to happen.

The perfect Youtube couple, the love of my life... Now it's been almost two months and I'm still in shambles.

She calls, tells me Italy's beautiful. I know it's beautiful, beautiful like her.

I tried to balance our lives, tried to be a good boyfriend, but fights ensued, and then when Maya got... I sighed, tears filling my eyes.

I miss my little princess so much. Marzia blames me, and she should. She usually doesn't run when I take her outside but, but I still should of had her on a leash. Marzia even told me to do it, but I didn't listen.

A car came around a corner and...

Ugh, I just never thought Marzia would leave me like this! No matter what I'd say when we talked, she just never came back, and she never will.

And now I'm on my kitchen floor crying for the 5th time today.

I'm so miserable, videos have been sporadic, Brad and Michael are worried about me, along with the fans, Ken, Mark, and Jack. And Edger hardly comes near me anymore, unless it's time to take him outside.

I put my hand to my mouth, feeling hot tears roll down my cheeks.

"Stop, just stop it! Stop crying, stop being sad!" I yelled at myself.

I'm so tired of crying, so tired of telling my parents and sister I'm fine, so tired of saying how's it going bros my name's Peeewdiepie, with a grin on my face. A grin that tries it's damndest to look normal, to look happy, but I don't even know what happiness is anymore.

It shouldn't hurt this much, but what do I do after five years of my life spent devoted to one person? I have no idea how to pick up my life again.

I talked to Mark about it, he's had a couple bad break ups and even though he's in a happy relationship now, he was able to understand my feelings. But talking to him about it only made me feel better for a little.

I couldn't talk to Ken, him and Mary are far too happy and it makes me sick. Jack... Jack just went through a break up too, and I never wanted to burden him when he's still licking his wounds.

I tried to be there for him through it, but things got worse with me and Marzia and augh, I don't even know if I helped him.

So I'm just here, in this tiny little black pit, alone.

I dragged myself up off the floor to clean up the mug I had broken, before sulking off to the bathroom.

I dread taking my clothes off now. It just reminds me of the days I starved myself, eating nothing but tears and mucus.

My bloodshot eyes, deep black bags, and sunken cheeks just adds to my misery.

The hot shower and few drags from my vape, took away the pain for now, and I was able to get a few laughs out while watching TV. I should probably go to the office and record one of these days.

As I sat on the couch lost in my thoughts, I heard a knock at the door.

I jumped some. I wasn't excepting company.

I slowly went to the door and looked out the peephole, praying that it wasn't a fan.

All I could really make out was green hair.

I quickly opened the door, gasping as I was rushed with a tight bear hug. 

Blinking away tears and clearing my throat, I hugged him back.

"J-Jack? What are you doing here, scrublord?" I asked, both of us chuckling.

"You know, I was just in the neighborhood..."

I raised an eyebrow, doubting what he was saying, "You came from Dublin all the way to Brighton, and you want me to believe you were just in the neighborhood?"

"Jasus, Poopie! What's with the interrogating? I can't stop in to see my good buddy?" Jack questioned, a bright warm smile on his face.

My heart melted and for the first time in a very long while, I was genuinely smiling as I welcomed him in.

Being with Jack felt great. We laughed, played games, and watched movies together. Everything just felt right, almost making me forget about my self-loathing.

"So you been doing alright?" He asked, throwing an arm over me.

I nodded my head, feeling my face get hot as he gently rubbed my shoulder.

Jack smelled so good too. This has to be the first time in months, I've actually been able to touch someone, and I didn't want it to stop.

I leaned my head on his chest and he gave me a nice warm squeeze. 

I could cry from how nice this felt, from how affectionate Jack was without even caring. God, I've missed him so much.

"You know, me and the guys miss playing games with ye."

I bit my lip, feeling everything finally sink in. This isn't a normal, I was traveling so I thought I'd see my best friend visit, this is a, everyone's worrying about you and wants to make sure you haven't killed yourself, visit.

I moved away from him some, feeling his bright blue eyes stare at the side of my face.

"What? Do you want to check my arms or something too? I'm still alive, I haven't been cutting myself, it was just a break up, I'm fucking fine!" I said through my teeth, squeezing onto the couch.

The room became quiet, from me halting our conversation, and from jack muting the TV.

"F-Felix I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't of said anything. We are worried and I can image that everyone talking 'bout it on youtube and news articles, has probably made everything 1,000 times worse, but I did come here on my own accord. I just wanted to see you again." Jack informed, his voice soft and laced with pain.

Tears filled my eyes, but I shook them away, "I don't need everyone worrying about me, especially not you, Jack! I was having fun and I wanted it to stay like that."

What am I saying, what am I doing? Why am I yelling at him?

Who cares? Why does he care? Why does anyone care about me!?

"You need to leave." I commanded, getting up and flying into the kitchen.

I can't, I just can't deal with this right now. It feels like an intervention. I feel like Jack only came here to take care of me, make sure I'm eating, make sure the house isn't a mess. Is he sleeping, is he taking showers, is he still crying?

Fuck everyone! Just let me wallow by mysel-

"JAVLA FITTA!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"FELIX!" Jack shouted, rushing into the kitchen, "What's wrong, what happened?"

I had tears in my eyes as I tried to walk, but hissed in pain as soon as I put my foot down.

"I-I must of stepped on a piece of glass." I said, allowing Jack to help me back to the living room.

Jack went into a panic, asking me where the first aid things were and rushing to get them. 

It wasn't long until the piece of glass was out and my foot was bandaged up.

"How did glass get on yer fockin floor!?" He frantically questioned, sitting next to me.

"I... I broke a mug earlier." I said, trying to forget how it happened.

Jack sighed, "Glad it wasn't that big of a piece. You ok?"

My body surged with anger again, "Yes! I'm ok, thank you! But I could of taken care of it myself. I don't need you, I don't need Brad, or Ken, or anyone else! And I definitely don't need Marzia!!!"

My body started shaking. Oh no, what the hell am I yelling?

"I, I'm sorry. I'm making everything worse. Ken told me not to do this, but I can't help it, I just, I hate seeing you like this. I know what you're going through, but you can't keep shutting people out!" Jack exclaimed, grabbing one of my hands, "Shutting me out Felix."

"What the fuck do you know!? I cry every single fucking day! Edger won't come near me, I can't go to my parents, she won't come back, and I fucking broke that mug today, by throwing it against the wall! Today was the first day I ate in two days, and I've only eaten three times this week! probably 20 times this whole fucking month!!! My channel's dying! I hate myself! Both girls I had in my life, are gone! And I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks! Oh it's just animal, that was my baby! I let my baby get hit by a car! I would of rather gotten hit, least I could of had a chance to survive! Fan! I watched her die and had to explain everything to Mariza and watch her slowly hate me even more. SO WHAT DO YOU KNOW JACK!? YOU HAPPY GO LUCKY SON OF A BITCH! WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW!?" I frantically questioned, practically foaming at the mouth, my accent coming out in full force.

I was crying, my face was probably red along with my eyes, and Jack didn't deserve to get yelled at like this, but I just couldn't help myself.

"I don't know exactly how you feel, ok! I'm sorry if I was putting it like that and I'm soo unbelievably sorry about Maya. I just meant, you aren't the only one who went through a bad break up. My girlfriend left me too. I was hurt and upset and everything sucked! I was feeling low and down, I had to talk to friends to build myself back up, and you were there for me too! I want to be here for you, now. I just want to repay the favor because, because I love you. I love you Felix, I love you so fockin much it hurts to see you like this!" Jack admitted.

My heart stopped and it felt like the world around me froze.

Tears were in his baby blue eyes as he looked at me, letting me know he meant what he said.

Love? Someone loves me? 

I'm a mess right now, I look like a skeleton, but he can still look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me?

He moved in closer to me, his beautiful pink lips parting. I moved in too, but then stopped, turning my head.

"I... I love, Jack, I... I can't. We can't. Not like this." I said, wiping my tears away.

"Oh God, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I wasn't trying to... I'm sorry." He said, fumbling over his words, "I... I should get going."

Jack stood up and showed himself to the door.

I couldn't move, I couldn't stop him.

I could hear him hesitate as he opened the door, probably hoping for me to move, hoping that I'd rush in there beg him to stay, kiss him, tell him how much I love him too, but I can't.

I just, can't.

I listened to the door quietly shut, shut tight like my heart is trying to do to protect itself.

I curled up on the part of the couch Jack was sitting on, hoping he'd come back through the door, hoping he'd burst in here and sweep me off my feet, telling me that he'll wipe away my tears, he'll take away my pain. Bandage me up sweetly and carefully, like he did my foot. I want to hug him, to know that my life will get back on track, that everything will be better.

But an hour passes and the door remains closed. An hour passes and I remain here, taking in his scent, crying over the fact that I just let someone else walk out of my life.

Back down into this pit, this endless abyss of self-loathing and hatred, I go.

I missed my chance to keep Marzia.

I missed my chance to save Maya.

I missed my chance to forget and move on.

I missed my chance, to be happy again...

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually write angst and sad endings..... Wanted to try something new, now my heart hurts *waddles away*


End file.
